Why It’s Time to Live the Life You Want, Not the Life You Have
How often have you heard people trawl out the phrase, “Make the best of what you have”?
I’ve heard it a lot.
Controversially, I think that phrase is a get-out clause. It’s something people say to themselves and others when they can’t attract what they desire in life.
True empowerment and mastery of getting everything that we want in life, we must seek to do more than “make the best” of what we have. I don’t want to make the best of what I have now – I want to make the best of who I’m going to be when I have everything that I desire.
It’s easy to create a life based on what you have, but imagine creating your life based on the life you want to live! As I said in my last blog, to get what we want, we must become the person who already has that thing.
I know this sounds counterintuitive, but here are the five steps I use to live the life that I want, not the one I have.
Step One – Find Your Inspiration
You already know what it is that you desire in life, so now it’s time to find someone who already has that. There are plenty of people around you to look to, but make sure it’s a person you respect and admire.
Not everyone who has what you want is someone you’ll want to emulate. Joe Rogan has 200 million podcast downloads a month, for example, and this is something I would love. However, he’s not someone I’d want to ‘model,’ so my analysis of his traits would be very brief.
Make a list of who you want to emulate.
Step Two – Dig Deeper
How would you first describe those people who have what you want? Rich? Wealthy? WRONG. Well, kinda wrong.
Those people don’t invest in the beach house, the Ferrari, or the housekeeper simply because they are rich. They are buying those things because they correspond with their personality. Those character traits come before the house, car, housekeeper, or whatever.
Purchasing is merely an action. It is the mindset before that purchase which allows you to make the investment.
So, let’s say you see someone on Instagram talking about their brand new car. It’s the make and model you’d love to have, but the numbers in your bank account don’t match with the digits on the price tag.
That person has traits that brought about the necessary alignment between bank account and price tag.
Let’s think about the expensive car, for example. The person buying it is likely super-confident since it takes a lot of guts to drive a car worth more than most houses. Presumably, they also have the belief they deserve luxurious things, or a fun side that demands a fast car. There are lots of potential personality traits behind their purchase.
Someone could have a personal trainer, private healthcare, and daily green juice deliveries. What would you say their characteristics are? I’d go for prioritising their wellbeing, and perhaps they might be keen to future proof their body too.
The spending of money is an action that comes from their beliefs and priorities in life. By identifying with those beliefs, they can manifest everything that they desire.
Look through your models’ social media profiles, interviews, and so on, to get a real sense of who they are. What are their specific personality traits that contribute to where they are today?
Step Three – Your Turn
It’s time to start asking how you can adopt the characteristics your model has, without the things they have.
Investing in luxury may not be a Lamborghini or a beachfront home, but there is always some way to model this for yourself. What feels luxurious to you? For me, it’s a bubble bath and a glass of wine, which is bargain basement compared to the cabana, but still luxurious.
Looking after your health by hiring a private raw chef is a wallet breaker for you, but what could you do instead? For me, it’s paying a little more for better quality food, or doing regular blood panels to check in on my health. It could start with something as simple as taking daily vitamins – we all start somewhere, celebs included.
These superstars didn’t always have money. They didn’t always have grand mansions and supercars. To start with all they had were the personality traits that eventually led to wealth.
Another major characteristic seems to be unshakeable self-belief. And this one’s more or less free! How do you start believing in yourself more? Well, you start believing in yourself more. That sounds trite, but it’s a decision like any other – you get to choose confidence and self-esteem. Maybe there’s a course, a book (I love Dr. Burns’ ’10 Days to Self-Esteem’), or a podcast along the way, but you just need to make a choice.
Step Four – The Sticking Points
There are always things that get in the way of our best intentions, and the best way to avoid this is to plan ahead.
In the past, I have committed to behaviours without thinking through their logistics. I’ve then not been able to fulfil them, and they’ve gone by the wayside – along with the potential benefits of doing them!
Let’s think through some of the potential problems before they come up.
Money: “I can’t afford a massage.” As I said previously, this process is not about money, it can be about investing time or energy instead. You might, in this specific example, consider an at-home facial, or painting your nails.
Time: “I don’t have time.” This is time for tough love. If you can’t make time for a massage, how are you going to make time for the things you are trying to attract into your life?
It’s time to start dumping the behaviours that are not in alignment with where you want to be. Those late nights? Those Netflix binges? Excessive drinking? Imagine how much time those behaviours are costing you. Netflix out, workout in. Drinking out, cooking healthy dinner in.
You’re not time poor, you’re productivity poor.
Once you’ve assessed your potential sticking points, list the solutions you’ll use when those things come up.
Step Five – Show Up in Your New Life
This step sounds easy, but it really isn’t. It’s probably the hardest of all, in fact, because now you’ve done the analysis, you need to do the work. You need to start showing up as the version of you that attracts all the things you desire in life.
It’s not about no longer being you. It’s about adding the characteristics and related behaviours you outlined above. There will be some characteristics and behaviours that aren’t in line with what you want, and those must go, but for the most part, you’re gaining, not losing.
Steps one to four have given you the blueprint you need to live your life, but step five is about actually living it. Until you do this, you won’t attract all the things into your life that you desire so deeply.
This is a long term process, there are no overnight fixes. It will take time, energy, and effort to get to a place where the personality traits come naturally to you. I know from personal experience, though, that this will pay off (financially and psychologically).
Through this very process, I am the most mentally sound I’ve been in years. I finally have a process I can trust to get what I want and enjoy the process of change along the way. Unlike those lottery winners who lose everything, I know that I’m in it for the long haul. This is because I choose to live as though I already have all that I wish for.